Doofus Brothers Announce Launch of Web Site and Upcoming Tour

New York, 14 May 2004  -  The Doofus Brothers Band today announced the launch of their new Web Site, DoofusBrothers.com, to reach their "...fans all over the world."  In a press conference held in New York on Friday, band member Mike Clancy said, "Yeah, we've got millions of fans all over the world who don't even know they're our fans yet.  We want to use the power of the Internet to connect with these people and get them to buy a bunch of our stuff." 

          Announcement of the Web Site followed quickly on the  release of the group's debut album, Meet the Doofus Brothers.  Combining classic rock with lyrics inspired by their love of surfing, the music is, in the words of band member Paul Polgar, "doofonic".  According to founding Doofus Brother, Dave Jenkins, "Doofonic is all about not really caring too much about how you sound.  It's about goin' on stage and havin' fun, and then goin' surfin' if the waves are good."  Jenkins went on to say, "And this whole doofonic thing is gonna be big, man, REALLY big.  We expect to make a ton of money off the album and the Web Site, too."

          A tour to promote the album is planned for this summer, with the band traveling the country in a souped-up version of the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile along with their female backup singers, "The Doofettes".  William Hung, of American Idol fame, may open for the Doofus Brothers, at least during the early part of the tour.  "It'll be great if we can get William as our opening act", said Clancy.  "We have a lot in common with him.  Like William, Paul and I have no professional musical training."

  Potential Doofus Brothers opening act, William Hung.

     
             Small Town Terrorized in Bizarre Incident

Deltona, FL, 7 June 2004  -  Life began to return to normal today in this small Central Florida town following a bizarre incident that terrorized residents yesterday.

        According to eye witnesses, a loud explosion occurred at the Acme Muffler Shop around 10 a.m., followed by the release of a large cloud of steam from the building.  Then, incredibly, three enormous and crudely fashioned robotic figures, with the appearance of middle-aged men but with lots of hair, emerged from the steam cloud.  With arms flailing stiffly, trailing broken hydraulic lines, and apparently out-of-control, the three robots took several awkward steps before crashing into a Catholic Girls School across the street from the muffler shop.

        The city's SWAT Team was immediately called to the school and the block was cordoned off as students and nearby residents ran screaming from the area.  Fortunately, no one was hurt.

        The owner of the muffler shop, Mr. Mike Underwood, was taken into custody and charged with community endangerment and disturbing the peace.  Later released on $10,000 bail, Underwood claimed that the entire episode was an accident stemming from his attempt to design and build an attraction for a new theme park called "Doofus World", which is supposedly a project commissioned by "The Doofus Brothers Band" rock group.  "Yeah, I'm building these three steam-powered animatronic robots of my friends, the Doofus Brothers, for their new theme park.  But I guess I must have miscalculated on the hydraulic pressure.  She blew, the robots crashed through the wall of my muffler shop, and ended up across the street."

        Numerous attempts to contact The Doofus Brothers to verify Underwood's story have been unsuccessful.

Disaster at Annual Hog Calling Event

Hog Holler, Arkansas, 10 June 2004  -  Disaster struck the annual Pork Belly Days Hog Calling Contest in Hog Holler last weekend, causing the landmark event to be cancelled for the first time in its 20-year history.

         According to the Sheriff's report, the problem began with technical difficulties in the PA system set up on stage in preparation for the hog-calling festivities.  When it became apparent that the PA was not functioning correctly, a member of "The Doofus Brothers" rock group, scheduled to perform later in the day, intervened to "help".  Claiming to be an "experienced audio engineer",  Paul Polgar of the Doofus Brothers proceeded to unplug and then completely re-wire the PA setup.  Upon completion of his "work", Mr. Polgar called for power to be restored to the system, at which time a tremendous shriek of feedback noise, followed by three loud explosions, pierced the normally quiet setting of Hog Holler.

         The explosions so terrified the hogs in their nearby holding pen that they broke down the fence and proceeded to run amok through the crowd of approximately 1000 that had gathered for the annual Pork Belly Days Picnic.  Tables were turned over, picnic baskets were upset and hog slop was slung as the sound of screams from both humans and hogs filled the air.  Fortunately, no one was hurt, although last year's winner, "Hollerin' Hank" Humsnuckle of Fayetteville, was admitted to the local hospital with chest pains.

          Following a brief investigation, Sheriff Ervin "Junior" Jones escorted the Doofus Brothers to the county line and advised them never to return again.

American Legion Event Marred by Shooting

Sopchoppy, FL, 18 June 2004  - A misfiring of a shotgun had local residents scrambling for cover at yesterday's American Legion Turkey Shoot in Sopchoppy.  Mr. Dave Jenkins, a member of "The Doofus Brothers Band" that had performed at the event earlier in the day, signed up to try his luck in the Turkey Shoot.  However, according to eye witnesses, he was apparently unable to get the shotgun to fire after several attempts.  As Jenkins walked away from the firing range, carrying the shotgun and complaining loudly of "equipment problems", the gun suddenly discharged three times in rapid succession, much to Mr. Jenkins' surprise.  The first round blew out the windshield of the Sheriff's car, the second took out the banner above the stage for the "Miss Sopchoppy" contest, and the third destroyed several entries in the apple pie bake off.  Fortunately, no one was hurt.

        Following a brief investigation, Deputy Sheriff Bufford Pickle escorted the Doofus Brothers to the county line and advised them  never to return again.

                  Beauty Pageant Interrupted by Disturbance

Wacahoota, FL, 24 June 2004  -  The annual Okra Queen Beauty Pageant at the Okra Fairgrounds in Wacahoota was postponed indefinitely yesterday following an incident that shocked this small rural town.  The Doofus Brothers Band, a rock group that had performed at the fairgrounds earlier in the day, were serving as "celebrity" judges in the beauty pageant.  About halfway through the swimsuit competition, according to witnesses, the Doofus Brothers loudly and crudely urged the Okra Queen contestants to expose their breasts.  When a number of the contestants on stage did just that, pandemonium broke out.  With the Doofus Brothers and many spectators hooting and hollering, the sheriff, the mayor, the city council, and elders from the Wacahoota First Baptist Church stormed the stage to admonish the girls to cover up.  A near riot broke out in the audience, which spread rapidly throughout the fairgrounds.  It took more than an hour for order to be restored, as event organizers announced the indefinite postponement of the beauty pageant.  Fortunately, no one was hurt.

        Following a brief investigation, Sheriff J.U. Hooterman escorted the Doofus Brothers to the county line and advised them never to return again.

                         Skinks Run Amok in Indian Mound

Indian Mound, TN, 4 Jul 2004  -  Disaster struck the annual Skink Expo in Indian Mound yesterday when an auto accident resulted in the release of over 100 wild skinks prior to the final judging of the event.

        According to eye witnesses, Mr. Mike Clancy, a member of The Doofus Brothers Band that was scheduled to perform at the Expo later in the day, was backing the band's tour bus up to the rear of the main stage to unload equipment.  Mr. Clancy apparently had trouble operating the clutch on the vehicle, which appears very similar to the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile, and crashed into the stage.  The large protruding wiener that comprises the bus's cabin struck the skink holding pen, causing the immediate release of the animals.

        Pandemonium broke out as the skinks rampaged through the crowd.  The air was filled with screams and the smell of skink urine as terrified spectators scrambled to escape the melee.  Order was finally restored after about an hour, but the Expo had to be canceled as more than 80 skinks, including last year's winner, General Beauregard, were still missing.  Fortunately, no one was hurt.