Dave  - Well, Larry, it all goes back to high school.  We were all going to high school together in Central Florida back in the '60s and a lot of the other guys would call us "Doofus".  You know, like "Hey you, Doofus!" and stuff like that.

Paul  -  Yeah, and it kind of followed us through life.  You know, through the '70s, '80s and '90s, people were callin' us "doofus" pretty much all of the time for a lot of different reasons.

Mike  -   Yeah, and since we're as close as brothers, it just seemed natural to name the band The Doofus Brothers.

Paul   -    But it's important to remember, Larry, we're the DOOFUS Brothers, NOT the DOOBIE Brothers.

Mike   -  Yeah, good point.  Sometimes we get mistaken for the Doobies in airports and stuff...

PAUSE

Larry  -  So, how would you describe your music?

Paul    -  Doofonic, man!

Mike   -  Yeah, definitely DOOFONIC!

Larry  -  So what exactly is the definition of doofonic?

Mike   -  Well, it's mainly about not caring how you sound.  And not gettin' all hung up on things like melody, pitch and rhythm.   Paul and I are really good at it, we have no formal musical training, but sometimes its difficult for Dave.

Paul  -  Yeah, sometimes we have to really work with him to keep the full-on doofonic vibe goin'.  You know, he'll slip up and start doin' stuff like singin' and playin' in tune and in time.

Mike  -  Yeah, and sometimes we'll de-tune his guitar when he's not lookin' (laughs).

Dave  -  Damn!  I was wonderin' about that guitar!

Larry  -  One thing that really struck me from reading your promotional material is your apparent versatility.  I was really impressed by the broad range of new projects you have coming out.

Dave  -   Yeah, that's the great thing about the doofonic genre; you can pretty much play anything equally well.  For example, we've got a country album coming out, The Doofus Brothers in Nasheville, and that will be a lot of fun.  We're working on a Christmas album, we've just about finished our disco album, Disco Doofus, and we start recording our salute to Elvis, Viva Las Vegas, next month.

Mike  -  I'm really excited about that one because I get to do all the "Elvis" vocals!

Dave  -  We start our rap album, Hip Hop Doofus, later this month, and we expect to do something in the Heavy Metal arena before the end of the year.  Oh yeah, and we start our Neil Diamond tribute album in June.

Mike  -  And I get to sing the lead on Cracklin' Rosie!!!

Paul   -  You see, we have tremendous vocal diversity in the group.  Dave's got the funky soulful voice, I've got the full-on heavy-metal voice, and Mike  ...  well  ...  Mike's kinda like "the Vienna Boys Choir do rock and roll".

Mike   -  [GESTURING OBSCENELY] Paul, I got your Vienna Boys Choir right here!

Larry  -  Okay, okay!  ...  You know, I was intrigued to learn that you plan to release an album of accordion favorites.  So you guys play the accordion?

Paul   -  No, none of us do.  But that's the great thing about our doofonic style.  It doesn't make any difference.  We can doofonisize accordion music just as easy as any other type of music!

Mike  - Hey Dave, tell Larry about that Swiss album we've been talkin' about.

Dave  - Yeah, we've been planning an album tentatively titled The Doofus Brothers Yodel the Swiss Classics.

Larry  -  So you guys yodel?

Dave  -  Well, no.  But, you know.  Doofonic, man.  Doofonic!

Mike   -  And as soon as we get a lot of our material out there commercially, we'll be able to support a 24-hour Doofus Brothers Channel in the major radio markets.  You know, it'll be like All Doofus, All The Time...

Larry  -    ...   Riiiight   ...   So how did you guys first get into music?

Dave  -  Well, it all started in high school...

Mike  -  Yeah, we were all in this special "No Doofus Left Behind" music program...

Dave  -  So I learned how to play the tuba and joined the Marching Band.

Mike  -  Yeah, Paul and I could see Dave's talent from the very beginning.  I'll never forget this one half-time show at a Sanford High School football game.  Suddenly, right in the middle of the show, Dave breaks away from the band and does an impromptu tuba solo of "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" right there in the middle of the field.  It was awesome!

Paul   -   But then the football players beat him up and broke his tuba.

Mike  -  Well, yeah, they beat him up and broke his tuba, but it was still really cool.  Besides, he needed to lose that tuba anyway.

Paul   -  Yeah, at the time, Dave had this concept of becoming "The King of the Rock and Roll Tuba", but it just wasn't working.  You know, he was havin' a real hard time tryin' to play the tuba and sing at the same time.

Mike  -  So, after they broke his tuba, Paul and I said "Hey Dave, why don't you learn how to play the guitar."  So he did, and he got in a couple of bands, and he went on to success in the music business.

Paul   -  Meanwhile, Mike and I toyed around with forming a Barry Manilow cover band, but it never really panned out.

Mike  -  Yeah, we were going to call ourselves "The Copa Cabanas", but it never really panned out.

Paul   -  So then we tried forming a "Hair" Band...

Mike  -  Yeah, but Paul has never really looked all that great in Spandex, so it didn't work out...

Paul   -  WHAT???

Mike  -  So then we tried forming a Reggae band.

Paul   -  Yeah, but it never really got off the ground, mainly because Mike was never able to get that whole dreadlocks think to work...

Mike  -  I tried, but my hair just wouldn't cooperate...

Paul   -  So then we tried forming a head-banging metal group ... 

Mike  -  Yeah, we were going to call ourselves "Doofonica" ...

Paul   -  But half way through the first song in our first live performance, Mike  accidentally banged his head against this big speaker up on stage and knocked himself out.  He was out for the night.

Mike  -  You know, I still get headaches from that...

Paul   -  So, while Mike was recovering, I went solo for a while with a Blues act.

Dave  -  [UNDER HIS BREATH]  Yeah, I bet he was a regular Stevie Ray Doofus...

Paul   -  What was that?

Dave  -  Nothing.

Paul   -  Anyway, the Blues thing didn't work out too well, so Mike and I got back together and decided to form a Jimi Hendrix tribute band.

Mike  -  And we could've been pretty good, too.  But Paul set his guitar on fire, and that was the end of that.

Larry -  So he set his guitar on fire like Hendrix did at the Monterey Pop Festival?

Mike  -  No, actually, it was an accident.  He was fiddling around with this cigarette lighter, trying to light some type of homemade cigarette, at the same time he was tryin' to play the guitar, and he accidentally set the guitar on fire.

Paul   -  Don't remind me...

Mike  -  So, without the guitar, we kind of went more in the direction of light rock favorites.

Paul   -  But it didn't work out.

Mike  -  But it was a lot of fun.  ...  Hey, let's do "Sky Rockets" for Larry!

Mike  -  One, two, three, four...

Mike and Paul (harmonizing badly)  - 

SKY ROCKETS IN FLIGHT 
AFTER-NOON DELIGHT
A-A-AFTER-NOON DELIGHT!

PAUSE

Larry  -  ...  Wow.  ...  And it didn't work out, you  say?

Mike  -  No.  But then years later we got back together with Dave.

Paul   -  Yeah, Mike and I were on a surf trip to Costa Rica, and we ran into Dave at the beach.

Mike  -  Yeah, he had this gig going in Tamarindo called the Who's Your Daddy Surf School, teaching visiting college girls to surf...

Paul   -  We had a hard time getting him to leave; I guess the fringe benefits were good... 

 Mike  -  But we eventually talked him into coming back to the U.S. with us to form The Doofus Brothers.  And, as they say, "The rest is history."

Larry  -     ...   Riiiight   ...   You know, you guys are what, like in your mid 50s, right.  Isn't that kind of old to be forming a rock and roll band?

Dave  -  Well, in terms of our psychological and social development, we've never really progressed much beyond a high-school maturity level.

Paul   -  Yeah, that's right.  Particularly on our surf trips, we pretty much act like we're 18.

Mike  -  Actually, we pretty much act like we're 18 just about all of the time.   ...   It's just that we look old, and our hair is gray, and we wear bifocals and stuff...

Paul   -  ... and we occasionally have digestive track issues... 

Dave  -  Well, yeah, there's that...

Mike  -  ...  but I can definitely see us appealing to fans of all ages.  So look out Britney, look out Justin, here come The Doofus Brothers!

PAUSE

Larry  -  ...   Okaaaaaaay.   ...    So tell me about the surfing.  It seems to be a recurring theme throughout all of your music.

Paul   -  Yeah, we all started surfing together in the '60s, and we've always been really into it.  We go on at least one surf trip together each year, usually to Central America, in search of great surf and uncrowded conditions.

Mike  -  Surfing is really important to us.  It's our main sport and it defines our lifestyle.  And it's the inspiration for the words to our music.

Dave  -  We try to get out there as often as we can, usually in Santa Cruz.  But our annual surf trips are really important.  We've scored some fantastic waves all to ourselves in exotic places all around the world.  And we've recorded some of our best music on these trips, too!  And surfing will help us deal with the temptations of fame when we get REALLY famous.

Mike  -  YEAH, the temptations of fame!

Dave  -  We don't want to succumb to the excesses of rock-star fame and end up like just another decadent, jaded and burned out rock group on a bad episode of VH1: Behind the Music. 

Mike  -  We don't???

Dave   -  No!  Been there done that.  So surfing will help us avoid the typical rock-star temptations and keep us focused on the music.

Paul   -  Dave.  ...  We gotta talk.

Mike  -  Yeah, man.  We DEFINITELY gotta talk...

Paul   -  Hey, I'm a Rock Star, and I have a Rock Star's needs!

Mike  -  Yeah, me too!

PAUSE

Larry  -  In any case, it seems that maybe The Beach Boys would have been an influence on your music, given the surfing and all...

Mike  -  Larry, our music is influenced by MANY factors, some of which we don't fully understand.  But yes, no question about it, The Beach Boys have been a major influence.

Dave  -  I've always thought of Paul as being a lot like Brian Wilson, but without the talent...

Paul   -  [GESTURING OBSCENELY]  Dave, I got your Brian Wilson right here...

PAUSE

Larry  - Okay, let's move on.  ...    So Mike, I understand that you're the lyricist of the group.

Mike   - That's right Larry.  I write the words that make the whole world sing, so to speak.

Dave   - Yeah, and it's a good thing he can write, 'cause he sure  doesn't have a singing voice.

Paul    - He sounds like a bad combination of Neil Sedaka and Donnie Osmond.

Dave   - Yeah, if Neil Sedaka and Donnie Osmond joined the Vienna Boy's Choir! [laughter]

Mike   - You see Larry, comments like that don't bother me.  I'm a big fan of both Neil Sedaka and Donnie Osmond, so them sayin' that stuff can't hurt he.  In fact, it only makes me stronger.  ...  Besides, I'm just so blessed to be able to write these lyrics!  You know, I'm able to speak to an entire generation, actually multiple generations, and provide a message that can really make a difference.  Maybe even change the world!

Larry  - Really???

Mike   - Heck yeah!  I mean, when I wrote:

                    "Put on your wetsuit Doofus, if you're gonna surf today
                      If you don't put on your wetsuit, you'll freeze your butt, that's what I say"

or

                    "Now Dave and Paul think they're really cool
                      But they'd do better surfin' in a swimmin' pool"

I knew I would be touching millions in a very profound and deep way...

PAUSE  

Mike  -  And, of course, I'm working on a book deal, now too... 

Larry -   Book deal?  

Mike  -  Yeah, I'm writing my memoirs of being in the Band.  The tentative title is "My Life as a Doofus".  I'm thinkin' Simon & Schuster, or one of the other big publishing houses...

PAUSE

Larry -  Okay, so tell me about Doofus World.

Dave  -  Well, at this stage of the game, it's just an idea we have.

Paul   -  I see it as more of a concept.

Mike  -  Actually, Larry, it's a CONCEPTUAL FRAMEWORK.  A conceptual framework for a family oriented theme park based on the Doofus Brothers and our music.

Paul   -  Yeah, you know, like Dolly Parton has Dollywood.

Mike  -  And Wayne Newton has Wayne's World.

Dave  -  Wayne Newton does not have Wayne's World!

Mike  -  Yes he does!  I read about it somewhere!  It's like in Reno, or something.  And we should all go there, too!  You know, Larry, Wayne Newton has always been one of our biggest heroes in the music business.  ...   Anyway, we're planning this theme park called Doofus World, and it's going to be really neat!  Back when we were in High School, down in Florida, we used to hang out at Six Flags Over Umatilla quite a bit, and I think that experience inspired us to want to do a theme park.   So we're going to have all kinds of rides and attractions and stuff...

Paul   -  Yeah, and we're going going to have this one attraction called "The Hall of the Doofi", kind of based on The Hall of Presidents at Disney World, that will have these like life size animatronic robot figures of us that will be standing up on this stage waving to people as they file through.

Mike  -  I thought they were going to be LARGER-THAN-LIFE animatronic robots.

Paul   -  Well, whatever.  Anyway, we've got this buddy down in Deltona, Florida, who owns a muffler shop, and he's going to build them for us.

Dave  -  Plus, we're going to have this GIANT roller coaster, The Big Doofus, that's going to be TOTALLY awesome!

Larry  -  So, when and where will Doofus World open?

Mike  -  Well, it's still in the planning stages now, Larry, so I expect we're still a couple of years away from the opening.  And we haven't settled on a final location yet, but it'll probably be somewhere in the Deep South.  We've got a strong fan base down there, and the land is really cheap.  So, you know, it'll be a place where you can stroll around with the entire family, listen to Doofus Brothers music, and enjoy a good chicken-fried-steak burger.

Paul   -  It's going to be totally awesome!

Dave  -  Totally!

Mike  -  So I can see Doofus World becoming one of the top theme parks in the country.

PAUSE

Larry  -  So, I understand you guys are  planning to market various products in addition to your albums?

Paul   -  That's right, Larry, a whole range of things, from T-shirts to skin care products.

Larry  -  Skin care products???

Dave  -  Oh yes.  We're going to have our own skin care line; it was my idea.  You know Larry, when you're out on the road playin' these gigs night-after-night, it's really important to moisturize frequently...

Paul   -  And we're going to sell hair care products, too.

Dave  -  Yeah, and that was also my idea.  You know, Larry, my hair is really important to me.  And it's important to me that it always look good.  So how's my hair look now?

Mike  -  It looks the same, Dave...

Larry  - Well at least I get the impression that you guys enjoying hanging out together.

Dave  -  Yeah, as long as Mike and Paul keep payin' me their Friendship Dues on a regular basis, I'm cool with it.

Paul   -  [GESTURING OBSCENELY AGAIN]  Dave, I got your Friendship Dues right here...

Mike  -  Yeah, what he said!

PAUSE

Larry  - ...  Okay, so tell us about your upcoming tour.

Dave  -  Well, our people are still working out the details, but we hope to go on the road this summer for our first "Doofi Across America" tour.  The plan is to start in the southeast and work our way west, playing mainly small venues.

Paul   -  Yeah, we're focusing on the small venues because we want to give all of our fans a chance to see us live.  Because, you know, it's the fans that made us what we are today.

Mike  -  That's right, the fans!  Our fans are great!  They're like DOOFUS NATION, man!

Dave  -  Yeah!

Paul   -  Then later we're planning a tour overseas.

Dave  -  Yeah, we're thinkin' about someplace like Afghanistan.  It's been in the news a lot lately, and I bet they'd really dig our music.  And they might have some great surf there, too!

Larry  -  But Afghanistan is completely landlocked!

Dave  -  ...  Riiiight....  But even if they don't surf there, I bet they'd totally get our surf lifestyle and music.

Paul   -  Totally.

Mike  -  Yeah!   We could call it the "Rockin' the Taliban" tour!  It could work, it really could!

PAUSE

Larry  -  So you guys like performing live?

Mike  -  Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it.  Life is good when you show up at a gig as part of the "Talent"; just ask Dave.  And it's really going to be fun performing in front of a big crowd with our matching band outfits on!

Dave  -  We're not getting matching band outfits.

Mike  -  Yes we are!  And they're going to be really neat, too!

Dave  -  We're NOT getting band outfits!  What band wears band outfits???

Mike  -  What band?  WHAT BAND???  How about The [EXPLETIVE DELETED] Partridge Family!  I been watchin' Partridge Family re-runs, and they had some REALLY cool band outfits! 

Paul   -  Mike, trust me.  Listen to Dave on this one...

Mike  -  [WITH EMOTION AND THROUGH CLENCHED TEETH]  We're  ...  getting  ...  band  ....  outfits...

PAUSE

Larry  -  So, tell me about this unique tour bus you have.

Mike  -  Glad you asked!  We bought one of the Oscar Meyer Wienermobiles and converted it to a tour bus.  You know, Larry, a lot of people think that there is only one Wienermobile.  Well, that's just not true!  There are actually THREE Wienermobiles - well, as a matter of fact, in the early '80s there were four.  A lot of people don't know that, Larry.  But, anyway, we bought one of the current Wienermobiles and converted it to a bus.  And it's REALLY cool!

Larry  -  So what exactly was the motivation for using this Wienermobile for your tour bus?

Dave  - Well, Larry, it all goes back to high school again.  You know, a lot of guys used to call us "wiener"  back then -   it was like "Hey, you WIENER!" and stuff like that all the time.

Paul   -  Yeah, and it pretty much stuck with us all through life.  You wouldn't believe all the times I've been called "wiener" as an adult.

Dave  -  Actually, I think people have been tending to call you "wienie" more than "wiener" lately...

Paul   -  Wiener, wienie, whatever...

Mike  -  So, the Wienermobile seemed like the perfect vehicle.  Plus, I think chicks will really dig it!  I mean, when we pull into town with that Big Wiener, you can bet were gonna draw a LOT of attention from the ladies.  Know what I'm sayin' Larry???

Larry  -    ...   Riiiight   ...     So, after the tour and the new albums, what next for the Doofus Brothers?

Mike  -  Well, we're negotiating  right  now with Fox for a reality TV show.

Paul   -  Yeah, the basic idea is that we'll be auditioning guys to become the fourth Doofus Brother.  So we start with about a dozen great singers, and each week we vote one off the show until we end up with the best guy, or the show gets canceled, whichever comes first.

Dave  -  Yeah, the tentative title is "Who Wants to be a Doofus". 

Mike  -  But, in the longer term, I could see us doing film...

Paul   -  Maybe some kind of science fiction movie.

Mike  -  Yeah, maybe something like "The Doofus Brothers in Outer Space."

Dave  -  Or maybe something like the "On the Road" films that Bob Hope and Bing Crosby used to do.

Paul   -  Yeah!  "The Doofus Brothers on the Road to Morocco!"

Mike  -  Hey, they got good surf in Morocco!

Dave  -  We could make it a surf trip!

Paul   -  Yeah, another surf trip!

Mike  -  And I could definitely see us having our own Saturday morning cartoon show.  You know, The Doofus Brothers as some type of super heroes, or something.

Dave  -  Yeah, each week The Doofus Brothers battle the Forces of Evil and save the world!

Paul   -  Or maybe we could do a really swingin' nightclub show in Vegas, at the Desert Inn or something.

Dave  -  Yeah, maybe we could be like The Rat Pack!  You know, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Sammy Davis, Jr.

Mike  -  I get to be Sammy!  I get to be Sammy!

PAUSE  ...  EVERYONE LOOKS AT MIKE

Mike  -  ...  What???  ...

PAUSE

Dave  -  Hey, how's my hair look?

PAUSE

Larry  -     ...   Well, there you have it America.  The Doofus Brothers.  Legends in their own minds.  Let's wish them luck; I think they're gonna need it.